Insomnia is a curse: Navigating Sleepless nights in VanLife

Insomnia is a curse at times and something I have suffered off and on throughout my life. But now living in a small campervan 24/7 it is even worse to deal with when these sleepless nights occur. The small enclosed space that's shared with your partner doesn't give you room for the bouts of sleeplessness.

In my former life, when I suffered these wide awake nights, I would go downstairs, maybe make a cuppa, read a book, listen to music or even pace around downstairs willing my body and mind to go back to sleep, it never seemed to matter how tired or exhausted I felt, it was a battle I fought alone, whilst the rest of the house was quiet, asleep, unaware.

Now in vanlife I'm discovering it is much harder to deal with - unless you want to wake your partner up - Fred has always been understanding, requesting I wake him when I have these boughts, but in the early hours, when the world is quiet and he's deepy asleep, snoring away that is the last thing I want to do - why make us both cranky tomorrow!!

But despite the frustration of being wide awake at 2:00 in the morning, there is also something magical in those pre-dawn hours, when the world is sleeping. I've heard it referred to as the witching hour and I can understand why. There's a kind of otherworldly peace in the air, a stillness, a silence. With few to no cars on the roads, no people, just night animals and birds virtually silent moving around, hunting, foraging and you feel as if you are almost trespassing on their time, this place where you don't normally belong.

And as I lay here in the darkness, looking at the dark ceiling of the van, the light glow coming from around the curtains from the outside world and I listen, my senses more atuned in the stillness of the night and every rustle, tap or snuffle is filled with a "what was that?" question I lay here desperately trying to recapture the ellusive sleepiness, wondering why it has deserted me this night, what woke me, what's keeping me awake?

I try meditating, to clear or quieten my mind, breathing exercises I've perfected to try and calm me into slumber. If my headphones were within reach I would listen to music, but they are buried in a bag at the front of the van and I don't want to disturb Fred. Sometimes these things help, but tonight I just have to let time tick by, my mind whirling around with random nonsense.

As I lay here listening, the weather has changed and there is now relentless spattering of rain smashing against the windows and roof, the gusts of wind howling around, buffering the van and making it gently rock, the occasional distant rumble of thunder, Fred's snoring a caress in the otherwise lonely darkness. I snuggle down into my blankets, warm and toasty and I wait. I've learnt over the years that sleep will come for me.... but only when it is ready, it cannot be rushed or forced and that's just the way it is.

I look at the clock, it's now 5:00am, I sigh feeling somewhat frustrated and exhausted to be awake this long whilst all around me is resting, so yet again, I close my eyes, turn onto my side and wait to see if sleep will take me yet.

By 7:00am, I wake Fred and the new day begins....